Karen's Anime Blog

Watching television can be fun, but it sure does take time– time that you likely no longer have in the fast-paced world of today. Instead of laboriously tracking the output of the frighteningly prolific island nation known as Japan, we now provide this exquisitely-curated service to give you the main idea of everything remotely important that happened in the programs called “anime” this week. Now you can spend all that extra time eating KFC, playing ultimate frisbee, or reading something from one of the few sci-fi/fantasy authors that haven’t been cancelled yet.

1. Mai Ouzuka heard a rumor that there hadn’t been enough sexual assault yet this season, so she got right on that. Not to be confused with Mai Sakurajima, who would never.

2. Alicia outswam a giant sea monster, and when some bandits asked her if she could save them from said monster, she wasn’t feeling it. No more bandits!

3. After surviving a vicious monster attack, the population of Clearflow Lake was dying for some ice cream, so their local vending machine made them a pool and shaved ice. Next, they went to a prison to visit a guy who has an unhealthy love for used footwear.

4. On Prince Edward Island, Anne ignored the man who genuinely loves her in favor of some dark-haired ponce who doesn’t even exist. She’s 100 years ahead of all the other Twilight girls!

5. The male cast of WitchWatch got stuck in a Death Game just like Necronomico and the Cosmic Horror Show, and just like on that show, the rules were arbitrary and made no sense whatsoever. Our heroes did not put up with this treatment.

6. A group of teenaged bowlers who want to keep their identity as time-travelers secret AT ALL COSTS think nothing of whipping out their iPhones to take photos of their meals…in the 1400s. Way to fool ’em, gals!

7. A volcano erupted and a yokai-possessed teen with cool earrings went ballistic and a bunch of other stuff happened, but the really salient point in all of this is that Grandma is hot as fuck.

8. A high-schooler and a plus-size model took a break from their usual habit of getting lost in lots of scenery porn to sift some tiny rocks; when finished, they obtained more rocks to sift. Other high-schoolers are getting curious about all this rock-action.

9. A smooth yakuza started hitting on a thirteen-year-old; the kid is okay with it, mostly because he’s getting free food out of the deal. But are we, AS A SOCIETY, okay with this?

10. A student’s body produces too much ice-magic juice, so he became a giant popsicle, however, fortunately for him, the Student Council Treasurer was on hand for just such occasions. Also, people should really stop trying to commit fraud with Monica around, it just doesn’t go well for them.

11. WitchWatch and My Dress-Up Darling are having a contest to see who can make the most “Totally Plausible Anime-Within-an-Anime.” Right now we are up to three fake anime and counting.

12. Kai had a one night stand with a woman and then kicked her out of his apartment after forgetting she was there, and apparently the audience is supposed to think this is charming behavior.

13. Shizuka goes to Tokyo to see her Dad, and her existence is inconvenient to him, so he pretends he doesn’t know who she is. Shockingly, he’s still not the worst parent on Takopi’s Original Sin.

That’s all for this week’s anime! Come back next week for more special moments from the world of Japanimation.